Politics
Trump Releases Shocking DNA Results
President Trump’s DNA contains material that is at least 8% Native American in origin.
Entertainment Lifestyle
Trump adds Charizard to Endangered Species List
EPA Director Scott Pruitt announced today that, under the direction of “Dearest Leader” Donald Trump, Charizard is now added to the Endangered Species List. “This […]
Business Economics
Apple Leaks New, 62” iPhone XXXL
Tired of squinting at your phone’s small screen, or frustrated when your finger accidentally touches the wrong letter, triggering an autocorrect fail for the ages? […]
Entertainment
Universal Announces Chris Pratt to Star in Jurassic Park Series on Netflix
In a shocking move, Universal Studios announced today that mega-star Chris Pratt has agreed to act in a two season Jurassic Park series to premiere […]
Economics Politics
Democratic Socialists Announce Bake Sale to Pay for Medicaid for All
The US Democratic Socialist Party announced a break through today that would enable them to promise Medicaid for All and pay for it without raising […]
International Sports
KimJongUn Shocks the World, Demolishes Lebron James in 1-on-1 Exhibition
In what was billed as the match of the century, North Korean Dearest Leader, Kim JongUn, came out of his self-imposed, athletic exile today to […]
Lifestyle Politics
New “Save the Parents” Charity Launched to Counter Child Propaganda
In response to years of stinky diapers, fits of teen rage, and ever increasing college tuition demands that border on entitlement-run-amuk, a group of US […]
Business Economics Lifestyle
Health Conscious Drug Cartel Launches Heroin Light
The infamous Alphas drug cartel announced today that they were introducing a new, health-conscious drug, heroin lite, that is expected to hit the market in […]
International Politics
Sadiq Khan Bans Hands After Choking Epidemic Hits London
In response to the choking epidemic that recently struck London, Sadiq Khan announced a new policy today that is virtually guaranteed to stop these senseless […]
International Sports
Serena Williams Beats Six Armed Indian Player
Serena Williams, fresh off her recent second place finish at Wimbledon, decided to up her game for a match with destiny. In an exclusive match […]