In an unprecedented step by a sitting US head of state, President Donald Trump released his DNA test results today with startling revelations about his family genetic tree.
Most shocking was the announcement that President Trump’s DNA contains material that is at least 8% Native American in origin, making him about one thousand times more so than his nemesis, Senator Elizabeth Warren. On this, the President tweeted, “Fauxcahontas has nothing on me, I’m practically a pureblood warrior! #nativeblood #firstnativeamericanpresident.”
When asked for comment from America’s first nation representatives, Rick Steele, President of the United Tribes of America, speaking on behalf of the some 132 tribes and independent, Native American bands represented by his organization, stated, “October has pretty much sucked for us; first we found out that Elizabeth Warren actually has native ancestry, and now Trump; we just can’t run away from these nut jobs fast enough.” He added, “please, please, haven’t you wealthy white politicians hurt our people enough? Leave us the hell alone.”
After the President’s announcement, reactions on Twitter were swift and condemning from all sides of the political spectrum. @NativeSon1229 tweeted, “please white people, stop using our struggle for your power.”
Controversial actress Roseanne Barr commented from her Twitter @therealroseanne, “I’ve never been so excited about politics! Long live @realdonaldtrump! #MAGA #abolishtrumptermlimits #facismrocks.”
It is not known which DNA testing company was used by the president for his study. White House sources indicate that the testing was actually conducted by Genetico, the largest DNA testing lab in Russia. The confidential source stated to GND that “for several years, the President has been using Genetico for a stem cell solution to his ‘small hands’ problem, so it was natural that the folks who know his DNA should do the analysis.”
The Russian government, Genetico’s largest investor, refused to comment by the press deadline for this article stating, “we have nothing further to release in regards to President Trump’s hands or his DNA that was not already provided to Fusion GPS. Please do not ask for additional information unless you are a lobbyist or crony capitalist puppet in the failed American state. Russia forever!”