Tired of squinting at your phone’s small screen, or frustrated when your finger accidentally touches the wrong letter, triggering an autocorrect fail for the ages? Well, if this is you, Apple is about to launch the phone of your dreams.
Apple blogger and tech-stalker, Pedro Hugandkiss, snapped this shot of the new phone prototype when accidentally taken out of Apple’s HQ building in Cupertino California. Seen entering the Chinese Supermarket across the street while held by an Apple product developer who, apparently, forgot to leave the new tech in the office while going out for a quick shopping run.
“Until this dude walked out from work at the Apple Mother Ship and forgot he still had the prototype phone with him, we only had rumors that Apple was developing a larger format screen. The new phone is for people with fat fingers or just really far-sighted old people who need reading glasses,” gushed Pedro.
He added, “we actually predicted this a month ago by three OBVIOUS facts to all Apple watchers that, individually mean nothing, but when combined form an obvious pattern to the seasoned Apple disciple. First, most people didn’t notice that there were five persons over the age of 55 sitting on the front row at the last ADC event with Apple Chairman Tim Cook speaking -this is unprecedented. Second is the fact that Tim used the word ‘big’ no less than twenty times in that address. Finally, the coup de grace is that my cousin Carl discovered on an internet bulletin board that Apple purchased rare earth minerals from a small Tibetan village that can only be used to produce large format touch screen colors and have no other industrial use. Duh!”
Apple has a recent history of product leaks, including one embarrassing incident where an Apple developer left an early prototype for the Apple X in an Atherton hotel bar, with his Tinder profile fully unlocked. It is reported that a team of Android developers first discovered the phone, and after swiping right on anyone with psychotic tendencies, returned the phone to Apple otherwise unharmed.
When asked by GND for a comment on this report, Apple spokesperson John Chapman uncharacteristically laughed until the line was abruptly disconnected. It is not known why he exhibited this bizarre behavior.