Hunter Biden announced Sunday that he was launching a blind graft trust, the first of its kind in the United States. “This trust will be managed by outside money managers, and I will have absolutely no visibility as to who makes graft payments into the trust, therefore allowing me to profit from the presidency without appearing biased towards my benefactors or any accusations of quid pro quo,” said the son of US President Biden at his press announcement. He added, “no one should have their retinas scarred by bad art so that I can make a dishonest living, and this makes this possible for all of us.”
Harvard University law school professor, Dr. Superbus Stultus, an expert on blind trusts and a former Solicitor General of the United States, is reported to be the main advisor to Mr. Biden to structure this unique arrangement. Present at the briefing, he stated, “in the past, the children of US presidents have had to find unique jobs that paid them exorbitant sums for little work. Those days will never come again.”
While legal scholars are divided upon the legality of the new framework, it appears to have bipartisan support as leading political families on both sides of the aisle announced that their children would also be seeking to create similar trust structures. A leading Republican fundraiser who asked to remain anonymous commented to GND, “its about time we found a way to simply funnel huge sums of money to these kids because they literally have no useful skills to society and it was killing us to find so-called work for them to do; hats off to that Biden kid for figuring this out.”
On main street, average Americans appeared unfazed. Joe Blankenship, of Far West, Missouri, summed up what most polls on this matter report: “those jack ass politicians have been stealing for years, its about time they just fessed up so we can see how much they’re really making.”
And in unrelated news, Goldman Sachs announced today that they were opening a new private bank branch in the West Wing of the White House and both chambers of Congress.