Kohler Industries, makers of ceramic commodes the world over, announced a breakthrough sponsorship deal with the Orange Bowl today that would provide $100 million dollars to the Orange Bowl in exchange for a four year deal to rename the Orange Bowl to the Kohler Toilet Bowl beginning in the 2021-22 football season.
It is still not determined how this will impact both the NFL Miami Dolphins and the NCAA Bowl Championship Series, since both require playing in the Toilet Bowl going forward.
“Look, we’re on the cusp of making the playoffs, so this is not something we needed at this time, and I’m not going to deny that this is a low blow. Whoever approved this in the front office had better get a crap ton of money for the deal because we’ll need it to pay anyone to play here in the future,” said Brian Flores, the head coach of the Miami Dolphins who looked a little flushed at the time of the interview.
The NCAA appeared unfazed in their initial reaction, brushing aside criticism. Slee Z. White, NCAA Senior Director for Indentured Servitude, responded to GND’s request for a comment saying, “if we can get another buck out of it, who the heck cares what the stadium is named. There is no such thing as bad publicity as long as no money goes to our student athletes.”
Locals are already enthusiastic about the change. Bob Tarman, who owns a sports bar across the street from the stadium, has already started selling new toilet seat hats emblazoned with the Miami Dolphin’s colors and logo. The holographic authenticity seals on the back of the rim reveal that this is also official NFL merchandise, a potential new stream of revenue in a category not yet explored by the league.
While it is not clear which league, all of whom are flush with cash, will benefit the most from this deal, it appears that more deals to rename historic sports venues and mint controversial team sponsorships may be underway. Two front office workers from the New York Jets confirmed exclusively to GND that their management are in a bidding war between Dyson and Hoover to buy sponsorship space on the team jersey that will read, “[Dyson or Hoover] – We Suck!”
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